Welcome back one and all! Did anyone else read that in a carnival-barkers voice? No? Hmm…well. I guess it’s time for the news.
The firefighters called to the blaze in this story will have the best story at any party for years. Wow!
The next headline should read: Pigeon Teaches Lawmaker About Irony. Hah.
Major advance in reversing some of the effects of aging. Holy science, Batman!
That’s it for tonight. See you back here in seven!